I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
