mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
