Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
