Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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