Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
