The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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