People in love make me want to vomit
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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