Swine flu. Run for my life!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
