I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
