I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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