It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
