I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
