Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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