guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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