i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
