Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
