she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
