I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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