ugly people sure do ruin things
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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