We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
