Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
