I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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