i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize