____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
