My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
