I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
