I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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