remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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