The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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