You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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