"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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