I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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