who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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