This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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