Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We are two peas in an std pod
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
