Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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