it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
