i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
