She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
