We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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