Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
