I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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