Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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