I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
