He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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