i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed