I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
