my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
