spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.