Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth

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(402): View more from Nebraska

P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.

(1-612): View more from Minnesota

Or a large amount of condoms?!?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.

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29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(916): View more from California

You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof

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(314): View more from Missouri

shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help

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(626): View more from California

I can't believe just smoked out of a pear

(909): View more from California

I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive

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