Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Send help, water and tortillas.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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