weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I cockslap morals
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
