If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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