So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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