A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
