I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
