The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i love accidental penises.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sorry about my life...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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