I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
