He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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