I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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