It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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