I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There r osticjed everywhere
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
