There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
