That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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