but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
