they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
