Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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