Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am one with the molecules
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
