so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
