I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
