oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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