Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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