he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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