What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
