I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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