Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize