i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
