I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
