I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
