another moral hangover. fuck.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
