Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
