dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
