What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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