I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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